the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
