yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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