alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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