Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
