Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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