I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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