You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
