we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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