Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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