pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
