Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
