You smell like stripper and shame
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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