Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
