You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
