she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
