I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this just has baby written all over it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
