ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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