I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
