maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
