Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
