yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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