you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
