You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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