i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
