He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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