Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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