Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I will pee on everything he values.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
