If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize