How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
