that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
