Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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