let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
