i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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