Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
