I wanna passion pit in your ass
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
