Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
