Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
