in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
