I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
porn star boner night. come get it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
