sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
