I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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