you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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