anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
