jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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