every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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