we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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