I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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