bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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