They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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