I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
