i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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