I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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