Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
