i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
