the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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