I hate all girls vehemently.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
