Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
