You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
