My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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