So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
