i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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