So gin and wine won't be happening again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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