my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
