she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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