did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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