ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
