i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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