everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
