Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
