you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
