dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
