I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
