I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
