he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
soo... how was my night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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