I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
