I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
