I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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