THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
