If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
