THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
