she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I deserve this hangover.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
