I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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