So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
