cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
