In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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