bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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