accomplished twins. life is a go
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
