everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize