Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
too bad you live with your parents still
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
