hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
